7th August
We’re just days out from the City2Surf and I don’t feel ready. I ran a solid 14km at the Bravehearts 777 a month earlier. It was a cool morning, the water of Lake Burley Griffin still and calm and the course flat. It was tranquil. I felt at peace. It was familiar. The City2Surf will be a different run entirely.
The busyness of the past month has run my body down. I am not firing on all cylinders. I am surviving. On Sunday, I wrote out a weekly plan, booked in accommodation to try and get a good night’s sleep in before Saturday. Will this be enough? I haven’t run much the past few weeks and the runs I have done haven’t felt like Bravehearts 777 — they’ve been tough and my legs have felt heavy. Maybe this isn’t a good idea? But I desperately want to run. I need to run. Am I just tired, or am I getting sick? If I am getting sick, why now? I haven’t been sick all year.
10th August
It’s mid-day. I climb onto the bus at the Jolimont Centre destined for Central Station. I do not feel well. Am I tired, getting sick or just anxious? I sleep most of the trip.
I walk the short distance from Central Station to my accommodation. I enter into the hotel’s bar, turn left and start walking up the stairs in search of the check-in desk. This doesn’t feel right, but I keep pressing on. This is definitely not right. I head back down the stairs. Check-in is at the bar. I am served a sweet tea.
I am fumbling through my luggage looking for my wallet, whilst also trying to make out the soft voice of the attendant amongst the noises of the bar.
“You’ve been selected as the guest of the day to receive an upgrade”.
I am not sure if I heard the kind attendant correctly, but I look up and give an appreciative smile and acknowledge the kindness of the offer. I take the elevator to my room, I’m not taking the stairs again. I change into my runners and decide to walk to the Royal Botanic Gardens. I run into a friend, we chat for a few minutes before continuing on our ways.
I am looking forward to the solitude of the garden, the breath it provides amongst the concrete towers and pace of the city. But this is not the sole reason for my visit. I am excited to see and experience something else. Pete’s work on the Garden’s rebranding. Over the past few years, I have witnessed the behind-the-scenes of the Garden’s rebranding unfolding as flat files on the computer screens of the studio. Now is my chance to see it in its full dimensional glory.
Whilst most people are taking photos of the plants and landscape, I am on a FaceTime call with Jess and her brother Tim pointing out the branding on the flags, construction fences and directional signage.
I walk home looking for somewhere to eat, but nothing takes my fancy.
11th August
I wake up before my 5:15am alarm. It is game day! I am still not feeling great, but I am feeling better than yesterday. Booking in accommodation was the right decision. I get ready and make sure to go to the bathroom before leaving. I really don’t want to use the port-a-loos.
I check-out, and whilst leaving I notice Powerades at the breakfast buffet that doesn’t open for another 1 hour. I ask how much these are, and the hotel attendant asks whether I am running today. I nod.
“Yes, I am”.
“Free, and good luck today”, he responds.
The conclusion to a most pleasant stay.
I head back up the street to Central Station to meet the Running for Resilience bus at 6am.
Excitement is building within the group as we head to the starting line at Hyde Park. We arrive to a swarm of people. As I head to the green wave starting line, I have this uncomfortable feeling. I am too well hydrated. I desperately look for anything to avoid the port-a-loo queue. I take the stairs to the underground train station. I am joined by two others with the same idea. No luck. After jogging around for a bit, I succumb to the reality that there is no alternative and that a port-a-loo will have to do…
3… 2… 1… Our wave is off.
Music is blasting as I turn the corner onto the main road. I feel heat on my right side. I look up to flames shooting into the air. I take my air-pods out. I don’t want to tune the world out. I want to experience and savour this moment.
Two years ago, participating in the City2Surf wasn’t even a consideration.
One year ago, I made it to Sydney to walk the 14km, but was too exhausted to start.
Today I’m going to run it.
14th August
The struggle in the wake of City2Surf did not surprise me. I knew it was coming. I had pushed myself and experienced this tremendous high… and now my body had to decompress.
In the days following City2Surf, my thoughts became increasingly critical and depressed. “Am I trying to run towards my health, or away from my illness?” “You’re doing too much, you’re just like icarus flying too close to the sun. You’re going to get sick again”. “You’re not recovering from this, you’ve blown it.” “Why are you always pushing yourself”.
My maternal grandfather, Gundapa, passed away more than 20 years ago—but this past week I kept coming back to my favourite saying of his when my mind became crowded with negativity.
“You did done good”.
This is a phrase I have often found solace in repeating to myself when struggling with self-criticalness and unrelenting standards.
“You did done good, Timbo. You did done good. That is final.”
28th August
I have been feeling great the past few days, and I am writing this note to myself to remind future Tim that these states of confusion, hopelessness and self-criticalness do not last. I know I will feel them again. It is a part of the process of my body decompressing after doing something challenging. If you’re reading this future Tim and you’re struggling, commit to your pillars of health.
If you’re sick, you’ve rebuilt yourself twice and you’ll do it again. Trust yourself, you’re a fighter.
If you’ve just done something hard, I am proud of your effort. Now is the time to be patient and kind to yourself. Let your body and mind recover. You’ll soon be ready for your next adventure.
Just wait for the peace after the storm.
Awww! Tim! I was gonna ask last night if you were going to write about C2S and here it is :)
What beautiful gestures by your accomodation and incredible grit and resilience from you. <3
Congratulations again Tim and a fabulous reminder for those negative, not from God thoughts, that chip, chip, chip away … now and in the future. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🩵🩵