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I can relate to so much of this mate and your levels of self-reflection and awareness is off the charts!!!

"I don’t know what the solution to this is. Improving my capacity, being kinder to myself, maybe better communicating my needs. Maybe a combination of all three?"

I think it's combination of all 3, but being systematic by knocking one over at time is how'd I approached it, and would start with communicating your needs more, as you already proven recently that you can push thru the uncomfortableness of asking for what you need.

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Jan 7, 2023Liked by Running Rare

Great read Tim, I'm glad you put your needs first this time and that your workplace was supportive by granting it to you.

When you think about it, we are driven by achievements our whole lives. In schools it's getting good grades and winning awards, junior sports is trophies and winning player of the week, winning the game. Success is measured by most by what your job is or the stuff you own, the car you drive, the house you live in. This is what makes us miserable, not to mention constantly being shown by media and advertising how inadequate we are. Social media is supposed to be a platform for sharing, but not only does it consume us, it leads to comparing lives to others. Thankfully I have never felt this social media jealousy or comparison, but I have heard stories about people being depressed after using their instagram because they're looking at all their friends or people they follow living their best life, not realising that the majority only post about the best parts of their life.

When we see people we generally say hello, how are you? The automatic reply is good thanks, regardless of how we are feeling. I'm not sure people are prepared for a response that isn't I'm good. But I believe this honesty is contagious, so the more we are honest, the more others will be too. It'll normalise having a shit day or feeling shitty and that it's okay not to be great all the time.

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Great stuff Timmy and thanks for the shout out!

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Awesome stuff, Timmy. I'm glad you were able to get away for a break, especially without phone service.

So much of this resonated with me.

It seems a lot of us are realising we need to take a different approach. A kinder, gentler approach that allows us to enjoy the process along the way. I, like you, have been guilty of hyper-focusing on a goal thinking that once I'd achieved it I would be able to enjoy life. I'm grateful for the things I attained through that mindset, house, job, etc. But I'm more grateful for the lesson that not the final destination will give me the complete contentment that I was seeking.

In one sense I'm annoyed that it took me so long, but in another sense, I'm grateful that I have been able to realise all that we need to make the process sustainable and enjoyable. Most of our time is spent in the process. If we don't enjoy the process we spend 95% of the time not enjoying ourselves and only 5% of the time enjoying the achievement. I dunno about you, but I don't like the look of those numbers.

My greatest fear is that I will come to this realisation when it's all too late. Sitting on my beachside farm surrounded by veggie plots (hopefully) and thinking, "This is great, but now I'm old, I've limited time to enjoy this, and I didn't enjoy the journey along the way".

I'm excited for us as a group to adopt this different approach and engage in further discussion about it. Bouncing ideas off of each other and the like. I think doing it this way things can only get better! Lessgo!

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Tim. You have expressed a cycle that is very familiar to many people. I don’t have answers, but I think you need to take some solace in knowing that it is pretty normal to have these cycles and the need for good recovery to avoid burnout.

As a person on the spectrum, I am very familiar with the drain of trying to live “normally” and not showing that weakness. To an extent is is necessary so that you can achieve career and personal goals, as long as you can balance that with time and people that allows you to be yourself enough to balance your life and keep happy within yourself. Jess of course is part of that, and hopefully some people you work with can also be part of the support network that understands the duality of your life and work.

Your goal setting cycle is also important as it t has helped you get back to the life you want from your initial diagnosis. Just need ti ensure the goals don’t knock you around too much. And that you have goals for you as Tim plus you as Tim and Jess and you as Tim the community giver.

You’ve got this mate. Great work.

And Happy new Year to you and Jess from all the Crain’s.

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I like that you were able to get that time away mate, so awesome to do it as well and have celebrations in places without phone reception. I'm looking forward to catching you at R4R this year Timmy.

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